Umpiring is best described as the profession of standing between two seven-year olds with one ice cream cone.

No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.

Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.

One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.

Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.

I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.

If it's true you learn from your mistakes, Jim Frey will be the best manager ever

So long as the global economy continues to recover, that remains Obama's No. 1 claim to successful leadership. Nothing else even comes close.

I'm seeking out a new way to live and if it's surfing, that's the way I'll do it. I'll be a surfer for the rest of my life.

I perceive the world through the wide range of emotions that whirl all around in it.

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

For starters, Portland isn't a great city to live in if you're a young, African American male with a lot of money.

The one great poem of New England is her Sunday.

Pause before you get home and prepare your heart. A peaceful heart leads to a peaceful atmosphere.

Me and my band and crew have always lived by the code: 'Work hard, play harder.'

My father is my idol, so I always did everything like him. He used to work two jobs and still come home happy every night.

When it's done, it's done. And no one will know until it's done.