Unionism, seldom if ever, uses such powers as it has to ensure better work; almost always it devotes a large part of that power to safeguard bad work.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

There were many tears, many unsure times, many troubled moments. The fun memories were only a few, but even so, those memories will shine bright like stardust, and continue to shine on in my heart.

What separates courage from fear are the thoughts we choose to believe.

I assume this kid is “normal” sixteen, like all the rest of them, whereas I’m “life can, and probably will, totally screw you” sixteen.

Istanbul is inspiring because it has its own code of architecture, literature, poetry, music.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

Working in magazines these days is like one of those horror movies where people keep leaving the room and not coming back.

Texas was such a welcoming place, and with its unbelievable history and tradition, it's extra special to be a part of that.

When the restrictions you have do not limit you, this is what we mean by practice.

I'm a perfectionist, to the point of insanity.

It's my memory, and what happened between that moment 10 or 15 years ago and now, there's a lot of gray area