Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

If you're in a fair fight, you didn't plan it properly.

International business may conduct its operations with scraps of paper, but the ink it uses is human blood.

Atheists think the devil is just a silly as God is.

All I have is me. Over-worked, under-appreciated, middle-aged, and shriveled up.

Silver is less valuable than gold, gold than virtue. [Lat., Vilius argentum est auro virtutibus aurum.]

If I'm not feeling good, I load on jewelry. It gives me energy and makes me feel happy.

They [police] do me like that all the time! "What you work for?".

He had on bunny slippers. These had fangs. They all stared at them in silence for about a heartbeat, and then Shane said, "That is impressively wicked. Crazy, but wicked.

To be an Indian in modern American society is in a very real sense to be unreal and ahistorical.