Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Tragedy is actually untimely comedy

The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics.

the mostbeautiful tideis the sweepof your heartagainst mine.

I look at what I have not and think myself unhappy others look at what I have and think me happy.

Find good in what the world says is evil.

Good taste is synonymous with success in all fields of life. It's not a question of money, but of a trained eye.

When you write from the heart, you not only light the dark path of your readers, you light your own way as well.

Business enterprise is an organ of society. There is only one valid definition of business purpose: to create a customer.

Eat from the Tree of Life and throw away the verbal ham.

Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel. - John Churton Collins The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.