Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid.

Faith changes us - faith in something intrinsically good, something other than ourselves, something bigger than ourselves.

Even though running is physically straining, it's mentally refreshing. Especially when you feel like you've accomplished something.

A journey may be long or short, but it must start at the very spot one finds oneself.

Men do, I've found, accept the most errant nonsense from a well dressed woman

When I finished graduate school, the first George Bush was president, and I really wanted to get out of the country. We'd just gone through the first Gulf War.

You don't make spending decisions, investment decisions, hiring decisions, or whether-you're-going-to-look-for-a-job decisions when you don't know what's going to happen.

Most people had high school. I had Breaking Bad.

Women are the best. The toughest. The bane of my existence. And I'll forever fall for it.

Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.