VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The most creative approach is often the simple approach.

Emotional self-control-- delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort

I've always said there are four words that every child in the world knows, and those are, "Tell me a story,." Even the people who wrote the Bible knew that. They told stories, like the story of Noah.

Politically speaking, you don't necessarily give away information that allows your enemy to get an upper hand. But at the same time you don't keep reality from the population.

Let's defend overtime and go after wage theft.

The idea behind doing comedies is that you go home a little happier.

One word from Chairman Mao is worth ten thousand from others. His every statement is truth. We must carry out those we that understand as well as those we don't.

I'll trust in God's unchanging Word, till soul and body sever. For though all things pass away, His Word shall stand forever.

Listening is the process of creating meaning in the speaker.