Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I'll try to turn the other cheek....But I've only got two and they're both stinging.

In Egypt, a civil state means a modern nationalist state that is compatible with Islamist provisions.

An unshared happiness is not happiness.

You couldnt erase everything that caused you pain with recollection.Every memory was valuable; even the bad ones

I think the nine justices think the solicitor general is the 35th clerk.

I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice.

In a representative republic, the education of our children must be of the utmost importance!

I believe in geographic cures - they allow you to throw all your cards in the air and see where they land, then pick them back up and deal them again.

In the stillness of the mind I saw myself as I am - unbound.

Was it for this the clay grew tall? O what made fatuous sunbeams toil To break earth's sleep at all?