Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I hear they make greeting cards now to thank your therapist... for NOTHING

As long as we have MEMORIES, yesterday REMAINS and as long as we have HOPE, tomorrow AWAITS...

Ralph Waldo Emerson“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I put down my phone... Hugged her from behind… Kissed the back of her neck... Our fingers entwined… Bliss…

I guess I would ideally want to be 20 physically, but 40 mentally.

When I started my own business, my main reason for designing clothes was that I wanted to dress rock stars and the people who went to rock concerts. It didn't go beyond that aspiration at that point.

What is urgent will always take precedence over what is important.

Successful investing is anticipating the anticipations of others.

It was up to him to pay back to the world in beauty and caring what Leslie had loaned him in vision and strength.

Take care of yourself. Eat well, rest, train hard and smart, make time to think and breathe. Be intentional with your time.