Van Halen can keep providing the rain and I'll keep providing the parade.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.

It is wrong to say: I think. One ought to say: I am thought. I is someone else.

The nice thing about Farscape is that you got to be the good guy and still do the bad guy things.

Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.

I'm very strict with my packing and have everything in its right place. I never change a rule. I hardly use anything in the hotel room. I wheel my own wardrobe in and that's it.

In the measure that we pay attention and take care to carry out what we hear, God will always enlighten us and make us understand His will.

Recent studies have revealed that children 8-10 years old are being diagnosed with Type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure at an alarming rate

Each one of us has the power to make others feel better or worse. Making others feel better is much more fun than making others feel worse. Making others feel better generally makes us feel better

You also want to fire people who a) create office politics, and b) who are persistently negative.

Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing.