Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

love is blindand lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit

At the very moment when people underestimate you is when you can make a breakthrough.

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

By what he chooses to present and by how he presents it, any author expresses his fundamental, metaphysical values.

The quality of your thinking is largely determined by the quantity of the information you have with which to work

Handle even a single leaf of green in such a way that it manifests the body of the Buddha. This in turn allows the Buddha to manifest through the leaf.

The life of a designer is a life of fight: fight against the ugliness.

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

May each family rediscover family prayer, which helps to bring about mutual understanding and forgiveness.

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea.