Venice Beach: proof of the biological impossibility of imagining a person being simultaneously good-looking and poor.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

I didn't tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.

That's my mathematician who examines problems which I put before him and checks their validity. You see, I am not myself a good mathematician.

Hollywood is largely about scammers and con men. It was my main livelihood for about 25 years, and the scams were beautiful and ugly, cheap and expensive, but, wow, were there a lot of scammers.

Just keep asking yourself: What would Jesus not do?

Habit is the daily battleground of character

So act that anything you do may become universal law.

America needs fewer laws, not more prisons.

Food is life, life is food. If you don't like my approach you are welcome to go down to McDonalds.

Compared to 10 years ago the primary motivation for defection has gone from food, to freedom.

It is far easier to get divorced from somebody you've been married to for 10 years and have three children by than to fire somebody that's worked for you for one year.