Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Decide Your Destination First, path Will Be Automatically Generated

You can never escape God's Grace because as you run from it, you run to it.

Don't be discouraged if the people around you don't see what you see in your dream. Most great people were doubted in the beginning of their journey to greatness.

You ought to love what you're doing because, especially in a movie, over time you really will start to hate it.

We should hold abusers — and no one else — responsible for the damage they inflict.

Nearly one in four women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime. And slightly more than half of female victims of domestic violence live in households with children under age 12.

I liked to explore different arts. But when I started acting, I knew this was the medium I want to be in for the rest of my life. Stories onscreen affect me the most.

Songwriting, I have to take myself away from everybody to do. It's an unsightly act.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

A person is both wise and wealthy when you master the art of appreciating what you already have.