Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no idea how to do that.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Forever's just a word.

There is no such thing as reproduction, only acts of production.

It’s a trinity ring. Pink for love, yellow for fidelity and white for friendship. I liked the symbolism of three—you, me and baby-to-be.

The digital revolution has also meant a revolution in access to information. This puts more power and knowledge into the hands of nonexperts.

God didn't design anyone to be recognized by 2 billion people.

Along with responsible newspapers we must have responsible readers.

I do believe that separation can be a bit damaging at times. To be happy about yourself and your culture and all of that is necessary and fulfilling, but the whole tapestry is what's important.

The more people doubt their own beliefs the more, paradoxically, they are inclined to proselytize in favor of them.

In composition you have all the time you want to decide what to say in 15 seconds, in improvisation you have 15 seconds.