Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

When trust is broken, sorry means nothing.

Trees are the earth's example of beauty, duty, wisdom and happiness.

Every first episode of a season has been crafted like another pilot.

If God had wanted us to play football in the sky, He'd have put grass up there.

When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result.

When I was really young, I was really into Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden and those kinds of bands.

On an everyday level, I use alcohol and drugs in general mostly to be in a happier mood, with the people around me.

When it comes to gossip, I have to readily admit men are as guilty as women.

If I can finish a cartoon in 20 minutes, then that's the ideal editorial cartoon - it's to the point.

I believe that every human being has an understanding of art. What is separating us is smaller than what is unifying us.