Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

As I count my blessings, I feel God's Loving Hands touching each of them.

There are a lot of people with a lot of money, and I'm amazed they don't understand what a great pleasure it can be to give.

And actually, about three weeks ago, Micky, Peter and I were in Vegas at the MGM Grand. And we did about 12 shows in seven days. It was quite an experience.

I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.

In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.

Smooth seas don't produce skillful sailors.

People don't write about kids; you have to give them a lot of freedom, and that causes anarchy and that causes farce.

I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves

I don't know what 'home' or 'abroad' is any more.

The difference between working with a man and a woman... is immense.