Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

We must strive to form a comprehensive sublime nationalism whose first principal is national geographic unity and must strengthen this unity with deeds not with words.

In our complex world, there cannot be fruitful initiative without government, but unfortunately there can be government without initiative.

I feel, as a songwriter, it's one of the hardest things to do - to sit down and say how you feel.

If have to undergo preschool safety checks every morning, why does a random thug get to own an assault rifle?

Timing is everything in this markets.

Everything is energy. It's physics. So I find the science of it all interesting; how 90% of stuff that's in our universe is made of stuff that we can't even measure. I find that fascinating.

The fate of the Empire rests on this enterprise. Every man must devote himself totally to the task in hand.

They who, without any previous knowledge of us, think amiss of us, do us no harm; they attack not us, but the phantom of their own imagination.

Active management is little more than a gigantic con game.

I love to read the way people love to watch television.