Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Revenge is a dish best served published!

You upped the ante with the wrong vampire, Caitlin.

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

The purposes of the Almighty are perfect, and must prevail, though we erring mortals may fail to accurately perceive them in advance.

Managing brands is going to be more and more about trying to manage everything that your company does.

I must write each day without fail, not so much for the success of the work, as in order not to get out of my routine.

They say my prints are bad, darling they should see my negatives

Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things that we do not see.

The important thing is not the finding, it is the seeking, it is the devotion with which one spins the wheel of prayer and scripture, discovering the truth little by little.

Only by restoring the broken connections can we be healed. Connection is health.