W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The man in our society is the breadwinner; the woman has enough to do as the homemaker, wife and mother.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

I am hope.

If you are positive about your calling, then it does not matter how hard or complicated it is

It is proper #netiquette to be conservative in messages you send and liberal in messages you receive. NetworkEtiquette.net

I didn't even know guys modeled before that. I thought Fabio was the only male model, and I really didn't fit that bill.

The task of resisting our own oppression does not relieve us of the responsibility of acknowledging our complicity in the oppression of others.

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.

The denial of suffering is, in fact a better definition of illness than its acceptance.

Consider how many do not even know your name, and how many will soon forget it, and how those who now praise you will presently blame you.

The origins of graph theory are humble, even frivolous.

Red Skelton... I broke into tears when I met him.