WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Everyting is as it should be. So am I.

We are not interested in the fact that the brain has the consistency of cold porridge.

Only an armed people can be truly free. Only an unarmed people can ever be enslaved.

We citizens don't need to know every detail of every military operation in this new kind of war. Nor should the media tell us and hence our enemy.

It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.

Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect. But you might want to kick your own a## if you're not trying to get better.

They say that oppression engenders hate. They are heard on all sides crying hate hate.

Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare something to be 'constitutional' does not make it so.

In my entire time in Washington, I treated everyone with respect, with civility.

It's a funny thing about rap, that when you say 'I' into the microphone, it's like a public confession. It's very strange.