WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Sometimes God takes your life for some crazy twists and turns.

The greatest obstruction to our joy in God is not a lack of time.

I believe I can do things people think are impossible.

And that, to me, is the main attraction to comics. It's an avenue to say what you want to say

It is only kindred griefs that draw forth our tears, and each weeps really for himself.

Think of someone you know who's not saved but you may be afraid to share the Gospel with that person. I've found a way that's radically effective in training people to share the Gospel.

I'm a big Sarah Michelle Gellar [Buffy the Vampire Slayer] fan. Huge. I love her. She's gorgeous. I see her Maybelline ads, and I'm like, 'How can she be that pretty?'

To concede that there are social problems that cannot be corrected without the state is to give up the entire argument over the future of liberty itself.

Psychologically, I'm a Roman Baptist.

Everybody does what they want to do for their own specific reasons.