Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

The best source of information to use as frequently as possible......is your own bullshit meter.

We stand the risk of failure, because you refused to take risks. So life demands risks.

But your responsibilities are sometimes given you without choice, without consent.

The ingenuity of self-deception is inexhaustible.

I always love to learn new things. That's the reason I like being an actor.

The basic discovery about any people is the discovery of the relationship between its men and its women.

I studied with the idea of becoming a Catholic priest.

Remind yourself that all men assert that wisdom is the greatest good, but that there are few who strenuously seek out that greatest good.

The red carpet is kind of a surreal experience. There's nothing normal about it, so for me the most important thing is to maintain some normality right until the point you get out of the car.

The guilty is he who meditates a crime; the punishment is his who lays the plot.