Wake up, you idiots! Whatever made you think that money was so valuable?

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

If just one of [those people] experiences life as a crazy adventure--and I mean that he, or she, experiences this every single day... Then he or she is a joker in a pack of cards.

Courts are places where the ending is written first and all that precedes is simply vaudeville.

When I get into a bad mood, I do sports and then everythings OK. And then I go and make decisions, however painful they may be.

There's a certain grace in accepting what your life is and embracing all the good things that have been - but there's still an expectation of good things to come. Not necessarily what you expected.

But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like that, but that's one of the most interesting takes I heard.' That's what I try to do.

One can perfectly well philosophize while cooking supper.

Your thought is the parent that gives birth to all things.

Time is the eternal now, seen through the narrow slit of the mind.

That transparency is important. Look at what's inside products and seek out those that contain natural, plant-based ingredients - from toothpaste to cosmetics.

I try to sing and not worry about what's going to happen after I do. I'd add that in my experience, as a person who went to see singers, some people helped me to make some decisions about the world.