Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

...it was amazing, wasn't it, how bad you could hurt when there was nothing physically wrong.

On the stand, I asked the witness, “What's your occupation?”“Make-up artist.”“Objection!” I replied, “Lack of foundation.

There are many types of pain. The only one that aspirin won't help is a hurting heart. That's why there is alcohol.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Donald Trump doesn't like to debate and knows in his heart of hearts he isn't great at it.

Television moves fast, and you don't have the indulgences you have when you're shooting movies of so many takes because there are tight deadlines.

Learn by doing or even better unlearn by doing. The opposite of what you learned.

I've been writing for a long time. I sat down to write my first novel in the middle of March of 1982.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

I think it's safe to say that the entire abortion industry is based on a lie.... I am dedicated to spending the rest of my life undoing the law that bears my name.