War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Beautiful feelings soar freely, while true care roots deeply. Real love can only bedefined by them both.

As man becomes more technologically advanced, his barbarity becomes even more lethal

Let lessons learnt be like fingers burned. Gentle reminders imploring us to stay away from fire. It is a mark of folly to make the same mistake twice.

The right thing is a luxury for rich and sheltered people. For the rest of us, the only right thing is staying out of trouble and surviving as best we can.

No sanction can stand against ignited minds.

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It's the same way with women... or at least the ones I want to be with.

Metaphors get under your skin by ghosting right past the logical mind.

I will take all the steps necessary to give the NHS at least another £100million per week by 2020.

Losing strengthens you. It reveals your weaknesses so you can fix them

I am a man more sinned against than sinning