War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

I’ve learned that home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.

...it strikes me with terror and anguish to feel I absolutely must be torn from you for ever. I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessity of death.

Soup is probably a way associated with screwing you outside of a meal.

If I have any appeal at all, it's to the fellow who takes out the garbage.

This is the most challenging activity that humans get into, which is love. You know, where we have the sense that we can't live without love. That life has very little meaning without love.

The existence of virtue depends entirely upon its use.

Memories contain hidden editorials on current events.

I consider this world to be like a school and our lives to be the classrooms.

Our goal must be simple. We must have a Christian nation built on God's law, on the ten Commandments. No apologies.

All the ancient histories, as one of our wits say, are just fables that have been agreed upon