War is the only sport which is genuinely amusing. And it is the only sport which has any intelligible use.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Four or five frigates will do the business without any military force.

Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring in the light.

I have only known her for two years. But if you took every memory, every moment, if you stretched them end to end-they'd reach forever.

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

I don't remember being a child, and that's why I think I'm so child-like now in my unending curiosity and approach to life.

Persecution readily knits friendship between its victims.

The NCAA has to establish their own rules and enforce their own rules.

What I thought 41 would be at 26 is definitely not what I feel now. I still feel incredibly youthful on the inside, in my brain.

God forbid that Judges upon their oath should make resolutions to enlarge jurisdiction.

In New York you can just walk out and be among people. You're on the subway among people, you go to cafes, you can talk to people.