Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.

I'm a woofer, not a tweeter; a writer, not a telegrapher; an essayist, not an aphorist.

Anytime I see someone blocking the aisle in the supermarket while talking on a phone, I want to ram that person with my shopping cart.

Mudslinging - In politics, anything bad the opponent says about our candidate; in contrast, when our candidate does this, it is called 'making a good point.

Self-Checkout Line – The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment.

Grammar Checker – A software program that is not needed by those who know grammar and virtually useless for those who don’t.

Suddenly I can’t think of anything except you!

Religion isn't the opium of the people, it's the hypocrisy.

Modern civilisation has based its specific foundation on the principle of liberty which states that man is not a mere instrument to be used by others but rather a main autonomous living being.

be good to yourselfyou're the only youyou'll ever get

That the sun shines tomorrow is a judgement that is as true as the contrary judgement.

The secret to happiness is to put the burden of proof on unhappiness.

Legislators know much more about elections than the Court does.

The more information you have, the better you will be.

The making presents to a lady one addresses is like throwing armor into an enemy's camp, with a resolution to recover it.

Isn't that what growing up is all about - learning to outlast despair?