Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

We explore to experience, we eat to live and we hate to love

Never stop learning. Never stop growing.

Falling down ain't falling down, If you don't cry when you hit the floor, It's called the past cause I'm getting past, And I ain't nothing like I was before, You ought to see me now

We are full of rhythms . . . our pulse our gestures our digestive tracts the lunar and seasonal cycles.

I don't have dating tips.

Stock kernels will be the norm for some time.

When I'm stuck for a closing to a lyric, I will drag out my last resort: overwhelming illogic.

Aw I don't wanta go to no such thing, I just wanta drink in alleys.'... But you'll miss all that, just for some old wine.' There's wisdom in wine, goddam it!' I yelled. 'Have a shot!

For a large organization to be effective, it must be simple.

Nigel Farage and Sean Hannity is like a super group of idiots.