Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

The more we focus on who we are in Christ, the less it matters who we were in the past, or even what happened to us.

I don't like straight lines: men make them.

The male is always the pawn in a romantic comedy. Come together, break up, go chase her, get her, roll credits. That's what happens in all of them.

Any way that you can get the end result is valid, whatever it takes.

One of my correspondents has me convinced that the human race would be saved if the world became one huge nudist colony. I keep thinking how much harder it would be to carry concealed weapons.

When people call you brilliant it's always good, especially when the person heads up Russia.

Time means nothing to me.

Really, a critical matter in the public service is radically to improve the quality of management.

Love is primarily giving. It’s an action that leads to a feeling, not a feeling first.

Didn't Gandalf say "With great power comes great responsibility"? (If it wasn't Gandalf, maybe it was Thomas Jefferson. Or Spider-Man's uncle.)