Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.

The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.

The NSA may, or may not have rejected the invisible secret operative application form I never even bothered to have sent over to them. I'll never know...

A relationship is a process. If you have nothing to learn - you have a slave to teach. 's why schools are effective.

The only way to efficiently battle evil is to copy enough to know how to counter each argument, yet not enough to believe all the bullshit.

I think she's too single for me, and she thinks I'm with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think.

Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)

IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible.

Silence is the invisibility of talking. I'd take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I'd take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it's Tuesday.

When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow.

To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night...

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

His rules were thus: One, resist when beneficial to the cause. Two, dignity before humiliation. Three, don’t show true emotions.

Studios are used to have an investment in you, an actual, literal investment in an actor. You paid them some money, you had a contract with them and you were almost like a commodity.

I wake about 1 a.m. I'm in the office by 2 a.m. We're on the air at 5.

Techniques vary, art stays the same; it is a transposition of nature at once forceful and sensitive.

I tend to be the type who is overly polite and sort of ingratiating to other people.

I think you just have to have some rapport with the song.

The Lord who gave us Earth and Heaven Takes that as thanks for all He's given. The book he lent is given back All blotted red and smutted black.

Not much more can happen to you after you lose your reputation and your wife.

Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.