Watching two women kiss is like watching two prizefighters shake hands.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

When wiggling through a holethe world looks different thanwhen scrubbed clean by the wiggleand looking back.

Because before the time when you're heartbroken, you get to be in love, and that's worth it.

Our past is a novel that we are constantly revising.

I am not proposing to replace war with peace. I propose to replace war with a smarter fight. A fight using other instruments, more intelligent instruments to convince people not to use drugs.

I think its natural if youre doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure out the real version of the joke.

When you have an unconditional love of Life, then you love Life just the way it is showing up, right here, right now. This is only possible when you are "seeing the perfection."

We have a tradition of passing our history orally and singing a lot of it and writing songs about it and there's kind of a calling in Irish voices when they're singing in their Irish accent.

Things don’t get better just because you want them to.

You can't enjoy life if you're not nourishing your body.

want won't kill you half as quick as worry will.