Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

How dismal it is to see present day Americans yearning for the very orthodoxy that their country was founded to escape.

The most important thing in life is to know what you truly want. Then finding it is easy.

Be a father, if not, why bother, son? A boy can make 'em, but a man can raise one. If you did it, admit it and stick with it.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.

I am full of gratitude for my life - and for this house.

I am very, very diligent and extremely hard-working.

No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity

A woman makes an outfit her own with accessories.

God and the afterlife and all that is certainly a subject that's interested me, and I think it interests me more the older that I get.