We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

What one person calls miracle, I call nature.

I am never proud to participate in violence, yet I know that each of us must care enough for ourselves that we can be ready and able to come to our own defense when and wherever needed.

If walls could talk - scratch that, if walls could make sarcastic comments... well, things would be interesting.

Your ability to communicate is an important tool in your pursuit of your goals, whether it is with your family, your co-workers or your clients and customers.

Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice.

If I lose you, I lose everything

When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.

The estate tax has been a disaster. First of all it's double taxation, some people could even say it's triple taxation.

I make sure the foods I eat will benefit the appearance of my hair, skin and nails.

Singing is near miraculous because it is the mastering of what is otherwise a pure instrument of egotism: the human voice.