We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

In almost every instance, air and water quality goals were met more cheaply and quickly when we taxed pollution than when we tried to regulate it directly.

Memories are like mercury. Every time you sort of try to get near them, they slip out of your hand like a bar of soap.

I think that human beings are capable of the worst things possible and they show that there were times, and there probably are times, that it is human to be inhuman.

Well there's a line that you must toe and it'll soon be time to go but it's darker than you know in those Complicated Shadows

Things good in themselves ... perfectly valid in the integrity of their origins, become fetters if they cannot alter.

From Sunbelt to Rustbelt, North to South, East to West, once-thriving cities have become little more than drug-infested slums.

To me, the most unhappy people in the world are the people ... in Palm Beach- Going to parties every night. Playing golf every afternoon, then bridge. [They have] no purpose.

We should want small business, large business all doing well. We shouldn't want to punish them for the simple reason that they've gone into business, which is what the Democrats do.

I don't fear failure because if you don't fail, you would not know the secret of success.

There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard.