We as human beings like to be cocksure and certain.

My wife could turn to me and she may say, 'Why do you love me?' And I can with all honesty look her in the eye and say, 'Because our pheromones matched our olfactory receptors.'

Homeopaths do not have a physical brain, but merely 'skull water' with the memory of brains.

If the Royal Variety Show was put in a matter transportation machine with the Royal Institution Christmas lectures, this is what you'd get.

I thought I better warn you that I am not one of those politically correct comedians, but it turns out that also I'm not really that racist, homophobic or woman hating either, so you might not notice

My life is constant revision but it's not revision, a lot of it is for the first time.

They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.

There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules.

We very quickly forget about the wonderful things we've got. People lose their excitement because there's too much. Basically we're experiencing nothing, because everything is available to us.

I'm glad the universe is pointless. It means if I get to the end of my life, the universe can't turn to me and go, 'What have you been doing, you idiot? That's not the point!

Wherever you are on Earth, there is more life present than in the rest of the known universe.

You are safe with me.""I am not at all safe, with you. But I have no desire to be elsewhere.

Someday I'll understand more of these things. At the moment I just have to think them through. Not everything you want to know is explained properly on Google.

There is a secret pride in every human heart that revolts at tyranny. You may order and drive an individual, but you cannot make him respect you.

There's nothing like undeserved credit to make you feel shabby.

I am very scared of being outside my home for long periods of time.

[My grandkids] are 5, 10, and 15. While they're young and still at home, I think it's all about learning the value of money.

Without growth we can't pay down our debt, and without growth there's no money for welfare.

You need a positive attitude nationwide.

If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at the same time, insight into and understanding of many things.

You really just have to have a good attitude, challenge yourself, and you can accomplish great things.