We avenge intellect when we dupe a fool, and it is a victory not to be despised for a fool is covered with steel and it is often very hard to find his vulnerable part.

After all, a beautiful woman without a mind of her own leaves her lover with no resource after he had physically enjoyed her charms.

one who makes no mistakes makes nothing

Real love is the love that sometimes arises after sensual pleasure: if it does, it is immortal; the other kind inevitably goes stale, for it lies in mere fantasy.

Be the flame, not the moth.

The sweetest pleasures are those which are hardest to be won.

By recollecting the pleasures I have had formerly, I renew them, I enjoy them a second time, while I laugh at the remembrance of troubles now past, and which I no longer feel.

To Kiss : An attempt to absorb the essence of the other person.

Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me,I would love him alone and forever

Love is three quarters curiosity.

Nobody can deprive me of the fact that I had a good time.

RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

I don't go for girls who have beach blond hair, that stereotypical girl thing. But, you know, whatever comes around.

You can take the boy out of England, but you can't take England out of the boy. And ummm, yes, I feel a huge emotional attachment to England.

So, we’ve got a problem,” I said. “What?” Lend yelled. “We’ve got a problem!” I shouted. “No, I heard that. I mean, what’s the problem now?

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is.

The human animal is adapted to, and apparently can thrive on, an extraordinary range of different diets, but the Western diet, however you define it, does not seem to be one of them.

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what.

Nothing increases happiness like quiet time. The truth is, the only moments that make you laugh or happy are seconds of stillness.

There was a clown that tried to eat me as a boy, in my nightmares. Years later I found a clown for booking online who resembled him named Patches. Needless to say, Patches is dead now.

I would lose straight away if I went on 'American Idol.