We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

Put it back in the horse!

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

In the cause of expedience and the quest for information, man has always been willing to trump his laws and betray his beliefs to legitimize the torture of those who do not share them.

The world knows nothing of you. That is my gift to you. You are no one.

Oh God your love is so overwhelming!

Children, Hadley thinks to herself, children are more civilised than this gang on the sauce.

Simply read a child’s story that he or she is writing for school, and you will discover some of the inner struggles with which the young person is trying to cope.

We share a lot in common, attitude wise.

But, you know, I'm presiding over an institution that was designed not to work.

I believe it makes us all even closer believe it or not. We were all pretty close to begin with but I think it's done even more for us. It truly is a brotherhood and I'm glad to be a part of it.

We don't understand the power of nature and the world because we don't live with it. Our environment is designed to sustain us. We are the domestic pets of a human zoo called civilization.

Man is happiest when he is creating. In fact, the highest state of which man is capable lies in the creative act.

There is a language of love, which is to say, a truth that does not tell all and a lie that does not deceive.

"I want to be a lawn." Greta Garbo.