We claim we believe in compassion, which is an abstract, and when it's personified we discredit the man

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

He tastes like salted caramel and sunshine. Or what I think salted caramel and sunshine taste like. He tastes like nothing I've ever experienced, like hope and possibility and future

Give yourself a deadline. Amazingly, many people work better under pressure. They are quickly moved to action when they know that they have a clock to beat!

iTunes kind of feels like Sam Goody to me. I don't feel cool when I go there. I'm tired of seeing John Mayer's face pop up.

Human nature is so constructed that it gives affection most readily to those who seem least to demand it.

Every film I try and make it the way I see it in my head, and it really just depends on the script and the people I'm working with or whatever interests me at that particular time.

You can be happy if you know this secret: Some things are within your power to control and some things are not.

I get too hungry for dinner at eight. I like the theater, but never come late. I never bother with people I hate. That's why the lady is a tramp.

I love Buster Keaton. I was a big fan of the stunt shows at Universal Studios. I'm a huge Cirque du Soleil nut.

The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a planned inadvertency.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.