We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Writing is the dancing of words, sometimes it is beautiful and meaningful, sometimes it is not.

He who is outside the door has already a good part of his journey behind him.

I'm not graceful either. I have no rhythm, I'm never on top.

The hardest assumption to challenge is the one you don't even know you are making.

To be happy, you must learn to forget yourself.

Instead of going to war, we should put the money into arts and culture and let creative people define what Britain is.

The leader of the market today may not necessarily be the leader tomorrow.

I'm just happy to be working consistently.

The federal government is basically an insurance company with an army.

It is rarely that the pleasures of the imagination will compensate for the pain of sleeplessness.