We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Like all Americans, I will never forget where I was the morning of the 9/11 attacks.

The task of a university is the creation of the future, so far as rational thought and civilized modes of appreciation can affect the issue.

I love Arkansas but I think Arkansas has its share of unlit minds.

...being an effective teacher is a high calling.

After all is said and done, its usually the wife who has said it and the husband who has done it.

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.

[Paradox is] truth standing on its head to gain attention.

Groupon has some interesting assets.

Don't let them make you doubt yourself. All the greatest visionaries in history have been told they were insane at some point.

I never intended to be on television or in a movie. The theater was all I ever dreamed about, once I decided to try to make it as a business profession. All this other stuff has just been icing.