We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it.

Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.

When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.

The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.

If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened.

Ask me. I'm a cow expert.

In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.

The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist.

What did Romeo and Juliet do?” They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-

Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker." -Dan Cahill

I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet

Politics is an enemy of productivity

Whenever new shorts cuts open the old roads get freer

conflict is productive

In idle wishes, fools supinely stay. Be there a will and wisdom finds a way.

Also, I have found that I really like to work in English. It's very strange because it's exactly the opposite of what I thought it would be like.

Sanskrit has ninety-six words for love; ancient Persian has eighty; Greek three; and English simply one.

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

You will begin to succeed with your life when the pains and problems of others matter to you.

I'm very political without being political. I don't know how to speak proper political language.

Climate change is probably the greatest long-term challenge facing the human race.