We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.

Getting my legal situation fixed takes a bit longer than we all thought: twelve years to be exact. Not a big deal. Only most of my life.

Where Christ’s Spirit is, it will bring men from their altitudes and excellencies, and make them to stoop to serve the church, and account it an honour to be an instrument to do good.

Any room in our house at any time in the day was there to read in or to be read to.

As comedians, we have the opportunity to convey a message that will have an effect. The best can make you laugh and cry, the way musicians and actors can.

Certainly going back to Sherlock Holmes we have a tradition of forensic science featured in detective stories.

I went to a performance of 'The Crucible' at the Guthrie when I was a sophomore in high school, and I knew right away that that's what I wanted to do

I'll be the first to admit that we're the 90's version of Cheap Trick or the Knack...

Bad guys have always been my bag... I look mean without even trying.

There is great disorder in the heavens, and the situation is excellent.

A lot of these angles are really about trying to mimic broadcast sports angles in order to anchor the scene, to sort of normalize it before it becomes abstracted.