We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

It’s ignorant to think you know everything about a person. There’s many different sides to everybodys personality and there’s just different colours to a personality.

Loneliness why do you accompany me if I wish to be alone?

Time passes irrevocably.

I'm really thankful and complimented when people come to me and say, thank you for the great times for all these years. But I don't think about it as being a leader.

Jesus took what I deserved so I could get what He deserved.

You've got to deal with how photographs look, what's there, not how they're made.

The fields have eyes, and the woods have ears.

I'm very particular about the kind of music that I record and sing, and it would be the same way about the kind of movies that I would do.

A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step - Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.

She offered herself to the big, bad wolf and didn't scream when he took the first bite.