We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Atheists don't like it when we push our morals on them and other people. But we don't, they follow them willingly and knowingly because they know that we are right. They hate us, but follow us.

So often, fear keeps us from being able to say yes to love—perhaps our greatest challenge as human beings.

The day before my 16th birthday I got my guitar.

I love being reminded that existence itself is all about the tangling of souls.

Villains are mostly just people villainized by circumstance

A man can seem to have many friends yet know little of friendship.

If they want to win right now, I'm all for it. That's all I said the whole time. If you want to wait five years, let me know. My legs aren't as young as they used to be.

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts. And don't put up with people that are reckless with yours.

Lover please do not fall to your knees it's not like I believe in everlasting love

I believe there ought to be school choice, so that parents can choose within the public school system.