We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)

What fueled this hatred? Society.

And with a last stardrop, a last circle, I arrive, and she's there, chemical wonder in her eyes.

I'm into video games, but only real specific lame video games. In a more traditional nerd sense, I just read lots of books and I enjoyed school.

I've been with Life now for seventeen years and I have written several articles for them and will be doing more writing and do at least two assignments a year besides my writing.

Believe everything you hear said of the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

I love musicals. I love horror movies and I love art movies.

The American dream is not about how much money you make or how many buildings have your name on it.

Reality is observer-determined - it's a spatio-temporal process, which fortunately means that things must change.

I think we all have light and dark inside us.