We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

You’ve gone far away to a place with no horses and very little grass, and you’re studying how to write a story with a happy ending. If you can write that ending for yourself, maybe you can come back.

Our lives are a picture of what we ought to do, what we need to do, what we are planning to do and what we want to do.

Self-sacrifice? But it is precisely the self that cannot and must not be sacrificed.

Time reveals the truth.

I do not believe in God, angels and the hereafter.

Midian is where the monsters go.

I want to know living love. And I don't want to wait for it.

You're trying to dramatize events to tell a story most effectively. That doesn't mean the events aren't true, it just means you're making them as dramatic as you possibly can.

There is a list of things Im not allowed to discuss at the dinner table! I am extraordinarily passionate about the Black Death, which is not something most people are into.

Depressions are very cyclical, they happen once every five years. When I was on TV, yes I was effervescent, you can't fake it. It [depression] comes like the pox.