We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

The US has not imposed democracy in Yemen, its people have.

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

The government is shutting down the coal industry, they say it's cheaper to draw nuclear power off the French grid and cheaper to buy coal from Colombia.

He who writes prose builds his temple to Fame in rubble; he who writes verses builds it in granite. - Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton, first Baron Lytton

Capitalism needs war.

Learn today so that you may live tomorrow

All you have to do is be able to feel.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.

You'd be naive if you think you are going to retain any control once you option a character to TV.

The best path between two points is upside-down, between, then inside-out and round again.

Chess isn't football or hockey.

There was a time when a willingness to criticize one's own government when it was wrong was the very definition of patriotism.

There's no better makeup than self-confidence.

Prohibition didn't work in the Garden of Eden. Adam ate the apple.