We like little children, because they tear out as soon as they get what they want.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

He said we were all cooked but we were all right as long as we did not know it. We were all cooked. The thing was not to recognize it. The last country to realize they were cooked would win the war.

Unkind acts are like giving a piece of one’s self away for cheap.

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

Happiness is like a cloud, if you stare at it long enough, it evaporates.

Such a human waste, your eyes without a face.

God sometimes allows us to feel anger so we'll recognize when we're being mistreated. But even when we experience true injustices in our lives, we must not vent our anger in an improper way.

I can at once become happy anywhere, for he is happy who has found himself a happy lot. In a word, happiness lies all in the functions of reason, in warrantable desires and virtuous practice.

My parents are both scientists, and I was raised without god.

Now it's closing time/the music's fading out.

And yet,to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.