We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

...Don't insult readers by questioning the extent of their imaginations. Most need only to be nudged to solve a good mystery.

One lie will keep out forty truths.

People tend to overstate my resilience, but, of course, I hope they're right.

If you are strangers to prayer you are strangers to power.

As a child I was not interested in science. I was merely interested in things human, the human side of nature, if you like, and I continue to be interested in that. That's what motivates me.

The years go so fast. I mean, I just realized that at the end of the year I will be twenty-two, and I just turned twenty-one.

A mind free from all disturbances is Yoga.

The poem is a confession of faith.

To neglect at any time preparation for death is to sleep on our post at a siege; to omit it in old age is to sleep at an attack.

If you do something positive, something positive will come back to you. If you consciously do negative things, then negativity will rule your life.