We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

He crossed his arms over his chest, "I don't get why you push everyone away.""This isn't the time to talk about this.""Should I set up an office visit?

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude!

I don't want to be a great actress. I want to be a sexy movie star.

It was no human life that was involved in the matter, for that only is a human life which is a humane life.

Be careful of words, / ... they can be both daisies and bruises.

In neglected fields the fern grows, which must be cleared out by fire.

we must never forget that people buy into the leader before they buy into a mission statement.

What goes around comes around like a hool-a-hoop.

So now what? What happens when words fail us?

Religion is caught, not taught.